Lately

Sometimes I don’t know how to start these posts. I feel like lately, time just seems to pass by. We don’t really do much, but we’re busy, ALL THE TIME. Everyday life busy. Husband is super busy at work, works past six most nights. I’m busy at home. It’s always, and I mean always as in never ending mountains of laundry I can never seem to make go away, dirty dishes in the sink, meals to make, menus to plan, diapers to change, the list goes on. Plus, we are trying to figure out where to go next. When do we want anther baby? Should we stay in this house or try to find something a little bigger? Figuring out health insurance, and that’s a big one, because let’s face it, health care and insurance is a nightmare right now.

I should say, I am in no way trying to complain. I absolutely LOVE my life. I love that I get to stay home and raise Norah, I love my little family, I love that I get to do what I’ve always wanted to do, it’s hard work, but a lot of fun and so rewarding. 🙂

I think I just woke up in a funk this morning. The reality of how hard being a grown up and how challenging life is, is just really heavy this morning. Friday my mom called me to tell me that her blood work and tests came back positive and that she has breast cancer. I don’t think I’ve fully processed this yet. Shortly after she called Friday, I packed up Norah and I and headed over to my parents to spend the weekend with them. It was a good distraction. For all of us. It was as normal as it could be, but as the weekend came to a close, things seemed to pick up where they left off. Now, despite a cancer diagnosis, it seems that she has the best case scenario. The cancer was detected early, it’s slow growing and wasn’t found anywhere else. It’s just that, well, ‘cancer’ is a scary word. No matter how positive the predicted outcome is, no one wants to hear, “you have cancer.” So, I’m worried, of course. It’s also hard to see my mom go through this. She has seemed ok, but when I left to go home Sunday, I could tell she was afraid and trying to not get emotional. It’s hard knowing that in a couple of weeks, she’ll be leaving to go to a clinic out of state, where she’ll be for three weeks undergoing treatment. She’ll be out there by herself which makes it even more difficult. Dad will get to go out at some point but can’t stay the whole time due to work. I don’t like that she’ll be out there alone. I wish I could go. I wish that there was a clinic that was closer to home. The whole situation just stinks.

Today is rough. I’m a little more emotional and worried about my mom. I just want to go back to bed and not have to worry about anything. I don’t want to do today. I know, ultimately, everything will be ok, I’m just struggling, sorting through stuff and not trusting God enough with this. Hmm, that seems to be a recurrent theme lately.

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